Simply adjusting our behaviour can be superficial, manipulative, and hard to sustain. Some books on relationships tell you, for example, not to criticise your man and to appreciate him. How on earth are we supposed to do that if we feel that he doesn’t care, and he behaves in ways that hurt us? We need to first understand why our partner is doing what he is doing and find a way to step into a state of love and appreciation. Only then can we authentically appreciate him.