Should I stay or should I leave?
And painful. Painful to stay feeling unfulfilled and unloved. Painful to leave not knowing if it’s the right decision. Especially if you have children.
There is a reason why you want to figure out if your current relationship is right for you.
Maybe you want to…
- experience a deep & fulfilling connection
- be seen and appreciated for who you are
- feel at home with your partner, peaceful and relaxed
- enjoy excitement and passion
The problem is, if you are not sure whether to stay or not, this uncertainty can destroy your relationship.
You need to know your love blueprint to make a decision that benefits everyone involved.
Which one are you? Read on to find out.
Once you know your blueprint, you’ll know your weak and strong points. You’ll understand why it’s not easy for you to decide whether or not you should stay in your current relationship.
Our parents and grandparents most probably chose to be in a relationship for financial security and raising children. But now we are in glorious times of relationship fulfilment. We don’t have to stay in an unsatisfying relationship.
Though, we don’t know how to choose.
As a result, some people decide they deserve better and prematurely move on, only to find themselves in a similar situation with a new partner three years later.
Others separate and stay stuck in guilt and resentment, which makes it really hard to find a new more fulfilling relationship.
Yet others stay in their relationship, half in and half out, and they carry a lot of resentment. They stay because they avoid making a choice. And because they don’t actively choose to stay, they feel stuck, unhappy and the relationship gets destroyed as a result.
If you leave a relationship without finding out how and why you got there in the first place, where it went wrong and if there is something you can do to change your relationship, you most probably will find yourself in a similar relationship in the future.
Now you’ll learn the 4 major love blueprints, how your blueprint affects your love life and your ability to make the right decision.
Love Blueprint 1 – Sleeping Beauty
Sarah got a sleeping beauty blueprint. She is waiting for someone to discover her and make her happy. All her focus is on that other, her partner Blake. She is waiting for him to connect, to see her, to make her feel beautiful and loved. The only problem is, Blake is too preoccupied with his work and he says he doesn’t need that much connection. He says Sarah wants too much and is too needy. (Blake got blueprint #2).
Sarah remembers that her mum was loving, but sometimes she would get too busy with her horses and forget about Sarah. Sarah talks about her mum as being too unpredictable and too inconsistent.
Sarah yearns for intimacy and affection and sometimes Blake is right there, but Sarah just can’t relax. She is constantly afraid of losing the connection. That drives Blake crazy and he withdraws saying that nothing is ever good enough for Sarah. Sarah criticises Blake for not being there for her, not listening to her and being emotionally unavailable.
Sarah often thinks to herself: “I’m just not enough for him. I’m not beautiful enough, not smart enough. I must be too fat. I’m just not loveable”. Sarah worries about a lot of things and is constantly waiting for life or people to disappoint her.
Is this your love blueprint? Do you tend to blame yourself? Are you preoccupied with your relationship and try to figure out who do you need to be for them to love you? Do you criticise your partner for not giving you the love you want?
The first step is to shift the focus from your partner to yourself. Stop trying to figure out what they think and what else you need to do to get their love. You are loveable. Focus on yourself and find out what’s going on with you. What do you need? Start taking care of yourself, spend more time with your friends and enjoy your hobbies.
The challenge for you is to get a clear space to make a decision, to stop wrapping yourself into a pretzel to keep the relationship. You also need to be aware of your thinking that ‘there is no hope’. This way of thinking doesn’t help you to make a well-informed decision, because you might feel that no matter what you choose you are doomed. Also, because of your love blueprint, it might be difficult for you to objectively see if you are a good fit or not.
If you have a Sleeping Beauty blueprint and need more help to improve your relationship or objectively figure out if this relationship is right for you, apply for a free breakthrough session here
Love Blueprint 2 – Scarlett O’Hara/Han Solo
Zara has a Scarlett O’Hara love blueprint. What she remembers from her childhood is that her parents were always busy with their lives, their big ideas and found it hard to be present with Zara. Often her mum would tell Zara to go and play in her room because mum had a large project to finish. Zara remembers she was missing an emotional connection with her parents.
Zara is very independent and free-spirited, she prefers to direct her own life and spend time by herself. It feels safer for Zara to be alone and only count on herself. Especially when she is upset she feels that she needs to be alone. She is okay with other people, but she wants to connect when she wants it. When her husband Matt asks for connection, she finds it stressful and thinks he is needy. She is very proud of her independence and sometimes judges other people for needing connection and physical touch.
Though sometimes Zara feels lonely and unsupported. She wishes Matt would be there for her more.
Is this your love blueprint? Do you feel like you don’t really need connection and you can take better care of yourself? Do you judge vulnerability as weakness? Do you tend to deny your needs because your love blueprint tells you that there is no point in having needs, as there will be no one to fulfill them? Do you feel kind of superior to your partner “I don’t need you, so why do you need me?”
So for you the first step is to realise that your needs are normal and healthy. It’s okay to have needs. Humans need each other as we are social beings. Doing everything on your own and showing your partner that you don’t need them is not conducive to loving relationships. In the same way, your partner’s needs are valid and normal.
Your challenge is not to make a decision to leave your relationship too quickly just because it might seem like an easier answer. Your current relationship might be exactly what you need. However, your priority is to figure out what you need from a relationship. What would support look like to you? Then you need to have an honest and gentle conversation with your partner to figure out if your partner is on the same page.
If you want some help in figuring out your needs or learning how to have a productive conversation with your partner apply for a free breakthgouh session here
Love Blueprint 3 – Friendly Lora/Stable George
Lora has an easy flow between connection and being on her own and connecting again. Neither experience causes any stress. She is relaxed in connection and she loves being on her own, painting, gardening, and going for walks. She loves going to a movie with her husband Brent and sometimes she really enjoys watching a chick flick by herself.
Lora loves when Brent comes home after work and she’s very happy to say bye to him at the airport when he goes on frequent business trips.
Lora remembers how good it felt as a child to have lots of cuddles and attention from her parents. Lora vividly remembers how her mother used to look at her gently, as if saying: “you are really special to me, I care about you and I’m here for you”.
Lora struggles in her relationship because she doesn’t understand why Brent prefers to spend most of his time working or playing golf. She is always happy to see him and spend time with him and she wants the same from him. In their early years, Lora spent a lot of time caring for their children, so not having much time as a couple was okay with her. But now that children have grown up, Lora wants more connection and she just can’t understand why Brent isn’t available.
Is Friendly Lora/Stable George your love blueprint? Do you feel like you accept your partner’s inappropriate behaviours for far too long because you see a lot of goodness in them? Is it difficult for you to make a good choice for yourself because your parents had a good relationship and now you struggle to understand why your relationship isn’t working out?
The first step for you is to realise that your partner most probably has a different love blueprint and sees the importance of a relationship in a different way. They have different requirements because they had a different relationship model. I know you believe in people’s goodness, but it’s very important for you to figure out what you need and also find out if your partner is willing to work with you to create more fulfilment in your relationship for the both of you. You don’t need to give up on affection and passion.
Love Blueprint 4 – Cinderella/Gavroche
Grace has a Cinderella blueprint. She didn’t have an easy start in life. Grace’s parents neglected her and sometimes were abusive, screaming and shaming her. My heart goes out to Grace. She is sensitive and expressive, with lots of gifts. But she finds it really difficult to be in a relationship because she finds she can’t trust people. And she struggles to be on her own.
Grace goes through a lot of emotional upheavals. She ended an abusive relationship two years ago and now she is with a man who used to care about her a lot. In recent times Flynn started to withdraw more and more, which Grace finds unbearable. She has no idea why he changed and swings between blaming him to blaming herself.
Is this your blueprint? Do you find that as much as you want intimacy, it’s hard for you to relax and trust your partner? Have you had trauma in your childhood?
If this is your blueprint, the first step is to take a deep breath, hug yourself and say to yourself: “I know this is really difficult for you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m here with you.”
Your relationship struggles are not your fault. You need to heal the trauma that you still might be carrying in your body and your psyche. The abuse doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to people who abused you. It’s really difficult to make the right choice if you are still affected by abuse or neglect.
My recommendation is to find a good therapist who specialises in working with trauma, so you give yourself a chance to heal and create a relationship you want. It’s difficult to create a loving relationship on top of the trauma your body and soul hold.
If you want my support in healing your negative experiences and expanding your gifts so you can enjoy the relationship you’ve always wanted, please click here to apply for a free relationship breakthrough session. I’d love to support you.
Okay, that’s the four love blueprints. Can you identify which one is yours? Can you see how your blueprint affects your relationship and your ability to make the right decision for you? And sometimes we have a couple of blueprints in our arsenal, so maybe you have a mixture of two or three of them.A
A big warm hug to you.
And remember, the power is in your hands, you can have a relationship you’ve always wanted.
P.S. Apply for a free breakthrough session here if you need help to make a well-informed decision whether to stay or leave.
Ambivalence destroys relationships.