Do you want to be understood by your partner? Well, there is a saying, first seek to understand before trying to be understood. So let’s practice attentive listening this week.
Attentive listening makes our partner feel safe and open up to us emotionally. Truly listen, be on his side, and be curious by asking, “Is there anything else you have to say?” Don’t try to figure out what you want to say on the topic when he’s speaking. Don’t agree or disagree. Just be curious and attentive.
Think of your partner.
How well do you know him?
- Do you know what your partner values in life?
- What drives him in life?
- What’s important to him?
- Does your partner have any goals?
- Is your partner trying to achieve something?
Ask him. Let him talk. It can take him a while to get started. Don’t offer your view or suggestions after his first sentence. Wait and listen. I know it can be very hard; I count up to ten to make it easier for me not to interrupt.
What we often do is ask a question, and then when a man doesn’t reply straight away, we suggest an answer or give him a multiple-choice option. We don’t know that men take our questions seriously and want to think before replying.
Our interruption tactic disturbs his thought process, frustrates him, and makes him feel that his answer is not important. He starts to wonder, Why did she ask me in the first place if she’s not interested in hearing what I have to say? And then we wonder why is he not talking to us?
A man puts his experience and himself into his opinions. It’s an expression of who he is. Like for us our feelings are an expression of who we are. We hate it when men try to change or fix our feelings and tell us we shouldn’t feel this way . . . true? Same goes for men; they put themselves into their opinions.
We need to listen and see it as a great way to learn more about our man, who he is, and what he cares about.
Let me know what you discover and any challenges you might have with practicing attentive listening. I’d love to hear from you! Click here to share on our Magnetic Woman Facebook Group.
With a big warm hug