That’s why I love to fly. I never live so intensely. No yesterday, no tomorrow. Just me, all alone, crying out of beauty and la tristesse. Feeling, to the point of blowing up my heart, people I’m in love with, those that I’m leaving, breaking up with. With a crystal clear feeling I’ll never see you again. Almost screaming out of love and blissful pain. The maximum flavour of my life experience. Everything is so important, has so much sense, hidden purpose of things floating on the surface. Something called I is dancing in the air and there is nothing. Nothing holding me here, nothing giving me any purpose, nothing to go for. I’m just the sound ‘Ahhh’. Chilled can of beer. My last can of rubbish Kingfisher tastes amazingly good, lifting me even higher.
There is no place for lies, and I’m painfully aware of my loneliness, which turns into aloneness. Hole in my soul. Beatles ‘The girl’. I spilled it, I lost it, I killed myself. And I love you so much! I’m your buddha my Master. Yesterday I missed everything. Today, just now, I got everything. Bastards, they don’t have enough tissues, I’ll never fly Air India again. Will I every fly? Again?! I guess I’m ready to die and I so want to live. It was good to tell you all the stories of my life. Everything became so unreal, happened to someone else. How does it matter what I lived through? It’s gone and that’s enough.
I know where the pain comes from. From missing, from not living fully, from mind f*uckin*g.
If I glide through this skilfully without freaking out I’ll get to the first bottom of the bottomless. I’m stoned from looking at myself. So much, so full of everything, so many faces, feelings, this clear understanding of what is, my love for playing games, knowing perfectly well that they are just games.
PRESENCE.
There is always something in me looking at what’s happening. Who are you?
I got it!!! Thank you so much! I was stuck on a freaking out level. When I stay with it, when I don’t allow it to kick me out to the surface, I do go through it. I do go deeper. Amazing, I slipped into a new perspective, new misunderstanding where everything makes sense. Ahh! Is this what the glimpse of
www.schoolforfemininemagic.com